How to be the “bad guy”: When you have to say no as a project manager
Being a project manager comes with major perks: leading a team to success, seeing team members grow, watching a project come to fruition and creatively solving challenges. As a leader, you get to be the driver of a project from start to finish, bringing people of different skill sets together to make it happen. However, the role does come with a responsibility that few people relish: occasionally being “the bad guy.”
Sometimes a project manager has to say no – to team members, to executives and even to yourself. A request will come in that a budget doesn’t exist for, team members may want to try something new that is too big of a risk, or a timeline may dictate that something you’re excited about just can’t happen. Unfortunately, as the project manager, it will often fall to you to make the difficult call to say no. Even if you’re a person who is good at managing conflict, saying no can still be hard.
Why is it so hard to say no?
Even when you know it’s the right call, saying no is rarely comfortable. If you’re saying no to a request from your team, you may worry about their reaction and their perception of you as a leader. As human beings, we want to be liked, and you’ve likely had a negative reaction after telling someone no in the past. We naturally try to avoid discomfort and harmony and aim to create peace whenever possible.
If you’re faced with saying no to an executive or to your own manager, the situation can feel precarious. Will you be seen as argumentative or inflexible? Will there be repercussions for your job or status at the company afterward? Saying yes can seem like a protective measure in many instances, making “no” seem like a risk even when it’s the right path to take.
Understand the needs of whom you’re saying no to
When faced with this situation, lean on your empathy and compassionate leadership skills. Take time to consider why the request is being made, what led to the situation, and how personal the request feels to the team member asking it. If possible, probe with more questions about their thought process to gain a deeper understanding. If you can, consider telling them you’ll take some time to think on it before responding, even if you’re sure the answer is no.
When you do respond, acknowledge the needs of the person making the request. Explain the reason for saying no and invite questions and conversation. Be firm in your answer; don't make it seem like the discussion is a chance for them to change the outcome, but be a good listener and respond honestly. If faced with saying no to an executive on your team, be prepared with proof points and reasoning.
Know the risks of saying yes instead
Saying yes in certain circumstances is an attractive proposition. If you say yes, you may avoid conflict and you can move ahead without further discussion. Or it might be something you actually want to do. But saying yes when the answer should be no can have pitfalls:
You could be agreeing to something that is absolutely not feasible, creating a mess later.
You could be overloading yourself, risking burnout.
You may create resentment among other team members who have been told no before.
You remove the opportunity for your team to engage in group problem-solving.
You set the expectation that you won’t push back on future requests.
It’s important to maintain perspective when you’re faced with having to say no to a request. In the grand scheme of your career and life, this is just one moment. And if you say no when the results suggest that you should have said yes, consider it a learning moment. Mistakes are how we learn in project management, and each time you make one, you’ll have more experience and knowledge for the next decision. Lean into your desire to grow as a leader and put your people first. If you do that, you’ll come through any event a stronger project manager – even when you have to be the bad guy.